"Lately, I have been having the overwhelming urge to create. It itches in my very bones. I sit through class and the only thing I can think of is that I have these collagraphs in the printmaking room that I could do at least a dozen more prints off of, or that I have a terrible looking coil pot in the ceramics center that desperately needs help. I want to draw everything, and everything I don't draw, I want to paint. I want to paint on everything. I want to paint on my computer, so the white top isn't white anymore. I want to find spiderwebs to draw. I want to take pictures of everything and everyone. I want to spend hours with friends, taking dozens of pictures of them.
I imagine that this is what it feels like to be head-over-heels in love. Nothing matters much anymore, just me and my art. I was so happy, so elated today, just looking at my prints and thinking about doing more printing. So many ideas chase themselves through my mind, it's hard to keep track of them anymore."
~ January, 2009~
Oh, what have I done? I think I know now what it feels like to fall out of love. My Art, where are you now? I wish you were here. We'd make beautiful children together. I used to love that feeling, that my art was something special... that no matter what I did, everyone would at least feel value in it and people would love it. Now, I feel as if I still love Art desperately, but he ignores me.
It used to be that he was abusive. He'd coerce me into spending hours and hours with him, ignoring my friends, sometimes forgetting to eat, just so I'd stay with him. He was a selfish monster, but I was happy, and he was happy and I think we were happy together. Then time changed. I couldn't communicate with him as well as I wanted and he stopped trying. He no longer keeps me captive for more than a few hours a week at most. We hardly even talk. I don't know what holds this relationship together anymore except for my undying envy of his other lovers.
I imagine that this is what it feels like to be head-over-heels in love. Nothing matters much anymore, just me and my art. I was so happy, so elated today, just looking at my prints and thinking about doing more printing. So many ideas chase themselves through my mind, it's hard to keep track of them anymore."
~ January, 2009~
Oh, what have I done? I think I know now what it feels like to fall out of love. My Art, where are you now? I wish you were here. We'd make beautiful children together. I used to love that feeling, that my art was something special... that no matter what I did, everyone would at least feel value in it and people would love it. Now, I feel as if I still love Art desperately, but he ignores me.
It used to be that he was abusive. He'd coerce me into spending hours and hours with him, ignoring my friends, sometimes forgetting to eat, just so I'd stay with him. He was a selfish monster, but I was happy, and he was happy and I think we were happy together. Then time changed. I couldn't communicate with him as well as I wanted and he stopped trying. He no longer keeps me captive for more than a few hours a week at most. We hardly even talk. I don't know what holds this relationship together anymore except for my undying envy of his other lovers.
